Our hearts that grew so cold at times during the 7 weeks of traumatic waiting and wondering were starting to thaw at the sight of our alive 2lb miracle. That morning had a special filter on the experience that almost felt like nothing could have been better. Or so we thought. And that’s when Tina, our primary nurse, said a few of our favorite words of the whole journey, “Do you want to hold him today?”
One of the greatest pieces of advice I was given by my mom and dad as Steve and I became parents, was to “keep pressing in.” What does that mean? It is a way of relating to our kids (and obviously everyone else, too). It is an attitude of connection and intimacy that we would pursue every single day to stay in tune with who they are and what they are navigating in their own hearts. “Keep pressing in” means don’t give up even when it feels hopeless or too far gone; it means it’s worth the fight, worth the conversation, worth the conflict.
When things aren’t straightforward or comfortable or the same as they have always been, and when I’m challenged to step forward into something that requires hope I have no idea about, I have to take my eyes off of it; I have to stop obsessing about it and controlling it.
S A Y T H E N A M E of J E S U S. It shuts satan down. It lines you up with our Maker, our Potter, our Sword and our Shield, and all of the enemy’s lies and destruction have to fle and go back to hell where they came from. The enemy cannot stand in the presence of even the spoken name of Jesus. The light is too bright. THE LIGHT IS TOO BRIGHT.
I went weeks. I went weeks asking Steve to not let people in our house; the people who brought us dinners and flowers and gifts. I didn’t want to have to face anyone, to have to drum up the joy I expected to feel, but somehow had less of
He used the perceived weakness and powerlessness to reveal His strength that would sustain. He used our 2lb son to minister to my weary heart and He reminded me that my longing to be close, mattered, and my brokenness was not forgotten.
This is just a perspective on obedience that we feel could be a worthy shift for so many families to could bring life and hope to the home. It is not easy and it is exhausting, but really what you sow in your kids now, you will reap as they grow.
For weeks, I felt the burden of “what do I actually do at home with my kids. What really is my work? How am I really contributing to the world?” And, just like that, the thing that was meant for good was stolen. My heart was weakened instead of spurred, and my foot slipped onto the path of not enough and poor me.
He slowly pushed, as if not to jostle my fragile, post c-section body. And it was that ride down that flooded my mind with every single question a momma in the midst of trauma could think of. I was apprehensive about my reaction to how he would look
“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”
he was desperately circling the Intensive Care team as a slew of doctors and support surrounded his 2lb 2.2oz body, begging as best he could with only his eyes for any information, anything that could tell him our son was going to be okay, that he was going to make it. He didn’t want to interrupt the care because frankly, it was lifesaving. So he just kept circling. He saw his chest collapsed, his tiny body covered in a warming plastic, tubes down his throat, and hands all over him.
What you put your energy and time into the day in and day out will yield the results you’re getting.
Worship is her sword, it is her calling, her gift to our hearts and her expression of love for the Father.
Our hope is to go from talking about how thankful we are (and then quickly moving on to the next holiday activity), to making a lasting connection between gratitude and giving. We want to be present this season, we want to slow down and not only feel the blessings but BE the blessing.
The root of keeping quiet, of not speaking the truth, for me, is what other people will think, the opposition that will arise, and the discord that my stand could potentially bring. I want to play nice, I want everyone to be happy all the time, and I think that I can control that by saying or doing or not saying or not doing certain things. But the fact is this: the truth sets people free.
The number one question I have been asked as a mom of three is: “How did you get your babies to sleep through the night?” The other questions like, “How did you get them to sleep independently, how do you get them to bed so early, how do you get them to fall asleep without the bottle or breast…” all stem from that first and most frequently asked question. AND BOY IS IT A GOLD MIND OF AN ANSWER!
I was a mess inside. Even though I pulled it together enough to stop shaking, to recognize that I had no labor pains or any other signs of progression, being there in that room by myself was unbearable.
I didn’t feel the pressure to fit into a size 8, I didn’t rip off the ones that didn’t fit in utter disappointment, and I didn’t stand there after every failure and look at my unclothed body in the fitting room mirror with disgust. And even if I hadn’t found a dress that day, if I would have shopped for hours (which I did) and came home with nothing to show for it, I would consider this a win; something I overcame.
We love tacos. And I’m talking LOVE. So, I am always looking for new ways to spice them up, add ingredients, change the protein, or make things more efficient. So, tonight, in honor of what feels like officially Fall in the islands, I took my tacos to a very Octoberfest place.